Basic Rules for Cats who
Have a Household to Run:


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   Walking:

As often as possible, dark quickly
and as close as possible in front
of the human, especially on
stairs, when they have something
in their arms, in the dark, and when
they first get up in the morning.
This will help their coordination skills.

   Bedtime:
Always sleep on the human at
night so they can't move around.

   Toys:
Any small item is a potential toy.
If a human tries to confiscate it,
that means that it is a good toy.
Run with it under the bed.
Look suitably outraged when the
human grabs you and takes it away.

Bright shiny things like keys,
brooches, or coins are generally
good for playing hockey with
on uncarpeted floors.
Dangly things such as shoelaces,
cords, gold chains also make
good toys.

   Food:
In order to get the energy to sleep,
play, a cat must eat.
Eating is half the fun.
The other half is getting the food.
Convincing the human that you
are starving to death and must be
fed "Now".

Table scraps are delicacies with
which the humans are unfortunately
unwilling to readily part.
There are techniques to ensure
that the humans don't
forget you exist.

These include:
Jumping onto the lap of the human
and purring loudly, laying down
in the path of the human in the kitchen,
the direct stare, and twining around
people's legs as they sit and eat while
meowing plaintively.
And last but not least, try to steal
some food of the human's plate while
looking adorable.

   Bathroom:
Always accompany guests to
the bathroom.
It is not necessary to do anything,
just sit and stare.

   Chairs and Rugs:
If you have to throw up, get to a
chair quickly.
If you can't manage in time,
get to an Oriental rug.
If there is no Oriental rug,
shag is good.
When throwing up on the carpet,
make sure you back up so that
it is as long as the human's foot.

   Doors:
Do not allow closed doors in
any room.
To get the door opened, stand on
hind legs and hammer with your
front paws.
After you opened the bathroom door,
stand halfway in and out and stare
at the human.
This makes the human pay attention
to you.

   Humans:
Humans have 3 primary functions:
To feed us, to play with and give
attention to us, and to clean
the litter box.
It is important to maintain one's
dignity when around humans so that
they will not forget who is the master
of the house.
Humans need to know the basic rules.
They can be taught if you start early
and are consistent.

  Remember:
Make sure you pay attention to
the human as well, because they need
you as much as you need them.
When the human is not feeling well,
jump up on their lap and purr while
looking adorable. 

You will then have a smooth running
household.

- Author Unknown
-

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